i got a new cell phone yesterday which rules. i don't really understand it yet. but i took it to band and took a picture of a butt and a video of the christmas lights. it's fun. after band (and before band) i had to work for a million hours. so i'm really tired today even though i didn't rage one speck. just worked. til one o clock in the morning. it's good that work is finally starting to pick up, but why did it have to be in the summer? summer is time for swimming and love and picnics. in other news, COFFEE.

it's pouring out today. cats and dogs. buckets. sheets. all that. but i got a ride from donze, which was grand. i'm glad we're friends now. i knew it would be easy to be friends after we broke up. but the fact that we both have new sweethearts probably helps. he seems really happy which is great. this weekend i'm playing music constantly, non stop, and all outside. saturday o.p. is playing at great america!!! we have to play five sets! and then get to ride roller coasters the rest of the night! and then sunday vlords are playing at that logan square fest thing. free burritos! it better not rain this weekend. time to make the oatmeal.

i realized i hate street fests. i went to five seconds of the division one this weekend because it was completely chock full of great bands. but it was also double chock full of people. really horrible drunk people. i wanted to blow my brains out. i couldn't even be anywhere near the stage because it was so packed and grabby. i wanted to see the bands that were playing today, but there was no way i could handle it. i even had a nightmare about it last night. i'm kind of crabby though because i feel lame for staying home but not cleaning as much as i wanted or do my taxes. i did nothing. ish. but earlier i learned about and went to costco which was wild. and huge. and i bought tons of stuff i needed. i won't need toothpaste or toilet paper for a year i think. i also passed the dove ice cream bites and got a huge wave of missing my grandma and i cried and had to pretend i wasn't crying so people and band wouldn't think i was crazy. because, well, i am. but that's a secret.

i'm going to new york this weekend!

again, at the same cafe in hong kong that i wrote last time, but this time my trip is over. almost. just 20 more hours of flying, about. ugh. p.s. biggie is gone. it's so sad.

I'm at the airport in hong kong. Sleepy. One more flight to Singapore then relax there for two days. Yay!

i'm outta here. bye, normal life.

this afternoon i have to report to the double door for what could be 14 hours of shooting for a tv pilot! i'm so excited. les styled me on tuesday night with all of her clothes. thank goodness. then at like 6 am when i'm done shooting i have to sleep for a few hours, and then wake up and do it all again on friday. but friday's shoot is in milennium park. we are the band that the characters go to see, so it's probably going to be funny with people acting like they are REALLY into us. as if people ever act that way in real life. it will be interesting. i got a message from my dad saying he was coming to stay with me friday night and i had to call him and tell him he couldn't. i felt so mean, but i'm going to be at the shoot the whole night and it's just not a good time to have guests. so he's staying in a hotel, poor dad. he said he might try to come to the shoot though. yikes. i'm kind of the happiest person in the world right now. in four days i leave for borneo. what?

next week at this time i'll be...somewhere. singapore i think. we got our indonesian visas!!! or at least the final step towards them. just in time! the good ole passports are flying from nyc to l.a. right now to get the final stuff done, then to colorado, then to san franciso where we will be reuniting with them next tuesday evening. this weekend i must pack with abandon.

t-minus one week until the unknown. thursday and friday we are getting shot for the television show! we have to bring three outfits and lip sych two of our songs, one of which we recorded a remix acoustic version on friday with me singing. band rules. alot. i'm trying to tie up all the loose ends i need to tie before i go, but i keep finding more ends. my life is an unraveling ball of twine. frayed. everything is half done. half baked! no, not that. just in flux. i just ate a pile of pepperoncinis. yum. the end. bye world.

mang. there are some sleazy people out there. i'm done with sleazy people. i was around one in particular last night, and i was kind of embarrassed to even be at the same table with him. i usually laugh that kind of stuff off but there was a point where i really wanted to punch him in the sleazy face. i'm only hanging around angels from now on. oh who am i kidding.

i love the warmer days. i mean lighter days. and the fact that i worked out last night and then napped. and seeing old friends tonight and new ones this weekend. and my bands. and furry animals such as patsy. there are lots of things to love.

i think maybe i should make a borneo blog. like a different one so family can read it and stuff. but maybe that's just dumb and self indulgent and nobody really cares. i think annie's going to bring her laptop so i'll be able to internet and things. and she has skype. i don't really know anyone with skype. but maybe i do and just don't realize it. because i don't have it. trip is starting to take over my entire brain, which is sort of good right now, but also freakish. i find myself sitting talking to people and realizing that i haven't been listening to them for the last few minutes at all because i'm picturing strange large bugs in the jungle or a mosquito landing on me while i'm taking a bath in this outdoor bathtub which i'll be bathing in for three days:

uh oh world. i'm starting to get nervous about trip. i dreamt last night about giant scarab beetles, trashing my hotel room, forgetting to wear pants and going to egypt by mistake instead of singapore. i'm really excited about it too but i'm definitely also...spooked. or something. i talked to annie for a long time last night about it and about how we both sort of think we might die there but then really think we won't. but that it's not just any old trip it's going to change us. i'm glad she believes that too. i might believe it too much, i feel like it's going to somehow make everything clear and i'll come back knowing who i should be. and what i should do. and all that impossible stuff that of course it isn't going to tell me. but i want it to.

less than 30 days away from borneo now. it's actually on! remember borneo? now it's real. i don' t know where my passport is, it's been traveling around the country trying to get me visas. it went to colorado then l.a. and i believe it's in nyc now. hope it's having fun. i suddenly feel very unprepared. this weekend i must get things done. must. i must not rage. things i need to do:
-taxes from last year that the irs never got even though i sent them
-taxes from this year
-expenses from this year
-refinance home
-clean home and somehow steam clean rugs. or something.
-paint hallway
-get more malaria drugs
-actually get any malaria drugs. and then more.
-research the best places to stay in bali
-pick one
-lose about 30 pounds
-exersize
-send invoices to outstanding clients
-buy more supplies

this morning as i was crossing the river, i noticed that they were dragging it. i guess somebody jumped again. what a dumb way to kill yourself. and cold. when i left the tower of despair for lunch it was so windy that i staggered. tourists were laughing and speaking in italian. no doubt about the truth in the windy city nickname. i got rice by mistake instead of the salad i wanted. i'm horribly sad for no reason. tonight is new band, we have another show this weekend at the empty bottle. this is good. this will be fun. the end.

i just went to potbelly's for lunch and saw three little old ladies with perfect hairdos eating their sandwiches and chips and it sent a wave of missing my grandma over me so strong i felt like i was going to faint. it hasn't even been a whole year since she's been gone and sometimes it feels like forever. and sometimes it feels like five minutes. and sometimes it seems like i've just been dreaming for the last eight months and she's really still here...like of course she is, how could she not be? but she isn't. i dream about her almost every night, she's always back alive again and i tell her to stay this time, but she just smiles. the way the ladies in the restaurant were daintily eating the chips and sizing up their bites of sandwiches reminded me so much of the last moments i spent with gram eating lunch at the diner at thunder lake. she ordered a chili cheese dog and ate the whole thing and said "i just love a hot dog smothered in chili and cheese". i told her i loved her that day. two days later she was suddenly gone.

so i was walking home from the el on friday evening...to go get ready for the show, when i got to the intersection two blocks north of my house and there were all these police cars, fire trucks, ambulances and news...and i kept walking when two cops came running up to me and said "woah where are you going" and i said i lived down there, and they said i can't go home i have to go somewhere safe...there's a guy holed up in a building at 2300 n. (i live at 2227) and he killed his girlfriend and he's got weapons....and the cops were going to start shooting soon with m16s and those bullets will pierce right thorough frame houses...and i told them i lived in a brick house. but they said i shouldn't go home because they didn't want me to get hit by a bullet! and they wouldn't let me through, but i asked if i could go around the back way and they said the cops over there might not let you through either, but i went through the alley and got home. they told me to stay away from the windows. there were swat teams all around, snipers, cta busses parked sidways blocking off all the intersections, and police tape right on my front gate. it was really really really freaking scary. i heard a gunshot. later i found out what happened.
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