Turns out everything is fine. Yay

last night was probably the most fun venom lords show ever. and it was our last. we did it in milwuakee, land of happiness. the joint was packed, friends everywhere. it was really freaking grand. i kind can't believe it's over. but yeah it is. oh well. now i'm back in lameville. boring cold chicago. stupid city. i had other band practice tonight and tried to bring the energy from my happiness but it didn't translate. i walked home,it was a long walk. now i'm back. back here. ugh.

i've been having a hard time staying happy. or getting happy at all lately...but that's just dumb and i'm going to nip it in the bud. i have lots of fun things coming up....tonight venom lords play our last show ever (which is sad) but it's the annual zombie show in milwaukee (which is fun central station)....we are staying in a hotel and having an old fashioned rock star hotel party after. except we're all old and not that wild, but it will still be fun. i've been doing better at other band lately, i kind of turned over a new leaf of just not worrying about my performance, and being more confident....it worked somehow. i don't mess up anymore, unless i start drifting off thinking about pepperoncinis or summer or boys or dogs. which i sometimes do. but who cares? not me. or anyone else really. so we leave tuesday for nyc to play a far away show and have lots of fun. i love driving far away. i just hope everyone gets along. we did in stl, except for an incident at walmart, which blew over after an hour. i blame walmart. hey weird writing this down made me in a better mood. i just wish it wasn't winter. winter still blows, and there's no fixing that. i'm going to have to get my ticket to the drrty south really soon. like maybe today.

no. i was going to write maybe, but it's no. i am a fortress of iron that is rusty but not as rusty as my old camry was. that's why i got my scion in the first place. i wish non-band friends were coming with me to stl so i could take that car.

i have a new nephew! jack olliver. i can't wait to see the little mouse baby.

things might be ok somehow someway someday. this is tough.

i hate this.

everything has been barreling along at breakneck speed with delicious calm weekend breaks at thunder lake all summer. those are over now, i hope i can survive. every minute of my chicago day is taken up with stuff. commuting stuff, working stuff, eating stuff, music stuff, bowling, beer, the hungry brain. i keep wondering what normal people do. probably waste time and lay around. i wish i could do that sometimes. i miss watching tv. that's stupid but i do. i love being this busy though somehow even though i complain. i need a maid. i'm wearing green eyeshadow today and i bleached my hair white. the end.

regular life seems so boring right now. but in two days i'll be on the road to wisconsin to meet band in my cabin where they will have turned it into a recording studio! we are going to record the next otter petter album at thunder lake, which means that all of my wildest dreams will have come true. until then, it's non-stop work, boredom, money blowing on nothing and waiting. oh and a venomlords show at cal's friday that i'm trying to get excited about. it's our split 7" release party. that will be fun, i just want it to be now instead of one whole work day away. then next week we have a release party at empty bottle for our e.p. on vinyl. woah. listen to me sounding like a real musician. i guess finally i am. lots and lots of other band things are coming up. my calendar is really full. it's pretty grand.

i'm at the end of my rope. maybe it's just because i'm too busy. yeah.

i got a new cell phone yesterday which rules. i don't really understand it yet. but i took it to band and took a picture of a butt and a video of the christmas lights. it's fun. after band (and before band) i had to work for a million hours. so i'm really tired today even though i didn't rage one speck. just worked. til one o clock in the morning. it's good that work is finally starting to pick up, but why did it have to be in the summer? summer is time for swimming and love and picnics. in other news, COFFEE.

it's pouring out today. cats and dogs. buckets. sheets. all that. but i got a ride from donze, which was grand. i'm glad we're friends now. i knew it would be easy to be friends after we broke up. but the fact that we both have new sweethearts probably helps. he seems really happy which is great. this weekend i'm playing music constantly, non stop, and all outside. saturday o.p. is playing at great america!!! we have to play five sets! and then get to ride roller coasters the rest of the night! and then sunday vlords are playing at that logan square fest thing. free burritos! it better not rain this weekend. time to make the oatmeal.

i realized i hate street fests. i went to five seconds of the division one this weekend because it was completely chock full of great bands. but it was also double chock full of people. really horrible drunk people. i wanted to blow my brains out. i couldn't even be anywhere near the stage because it was so packed and grabby. i wanted to see the bands that were playing today, but there was no way i could handle it. i even had a nightmare about it last night. i'm kind of crabby though because i feel lame for staying home but not cleaning as much as i wanted or do my taxes. i did nothing. ish. but earlier i learned about and went to costco which was wild. and huge. and i bought tons of stuff i needed. i won't need toothpaste or toilet paper for a year i think. i also passed the dove ice cream bites and got a huge wave of missing my grandma and i cried and had to pretend i wasn't crying so people and band wouldn't think i was crazy. because, well, i am. but that's a secret.

i'm going to new york this weekend!

again, at the same cafe in hong kong that i wrote last time, but this time my trip is over. almost. just 20 more hours of flying, about. ugh. p.s. biggie is gone. it's so sad.

I'm at the airport in hong kong. Sleepy. One more flight to Singapore then relax there for two days. Yay!

i'm outta here. bye, normal life.

this afternoon i have to report to the double door for what could be 14 hours of shooting for a tv pilot! i'm so excited. les styled me on tuesday night with all of her clothes. thank goodness. then at like 6 am when i'm done shooting i have to sleep for a few hours, and then wake up and do it all again on friday. but friday's shoot is in milennium park. we are the band that the characters go to see, so it's probably going to be funny with people acting like they are REALLY into us. as if people ever act that way in real life. it will be interesting. i got a message from my dad saying he was coming to stay with me friday night and i had to call him and tell him he couldn't. i felt so mean, but i'm going to be at the shoot the whole night and it's just not a good time to have guests. so he's staying in a hotel, poor dad. he said he might try to come to the shoot though. yikes. i'm kind of the happiest person in the world right now. in four days i leave for borneo. what?